Tuesday, Nov. 29th, 2022; “Spiral”
Spi·ral
/ˈspīrəl/
adjective
- winding in a continuous and gradually widening (or tightening) curve, either around a central point on a flat plane or about an axis so as to form a cone.
“a spiral pattern”
I need to reach out to my Victim’s Advocate & ask to schedule another meeting with the prosecutor, see if we can have a ‘Do-Over’ lol.
The last one, imo, felt a little unproductive & emotionally charged (100% on my end- that’s my bad) and I would like to kind of regroup. This time though we won’t talk about the [dismissed w/prejudice] case against my mom because that is very much still a sore spot for me that i’m still working through, this many years later; And obviously, the male prosecutor (he has a name even though I just refer to him in my head as ‘Blue Eyes’) from said case won’t be there. I already know it was expressed that it was a one time pop-up, and he’s not on the case, but it dawned on me literally what I was hoping- what I was sure wouldn’t happen- happened. And that was running in to people from the past who are/were associated with the case against my mom. I literally remember trying to talk myself down , telling myself
“…it was so many [6-7] years ago, I doubt the same people even work there or remember…or if they did, they’ll have enough decorum to not say anything…like this is their job…plus this is a totally separate incident, that is so unrelated to what would occur later [the case against my mom] that it might as well have been a different timeline…”
I did a pretty good job in deluding myself into thinking that lol.
SIKE BITCH! <<< is what the universe said, bc when I was walked back through the door, at Dawson’s Place [SA/Child Advocacy Center] and met my Victim’s Advocate, it’s N, the same one from the case against my mom. That’s fine, I don’t have a problem w/that (for now?) but what surprised me was when she went to get the prosecutor, a woman & a man walk in. I’m already a ball of nerves bc I’ve been waiting to get this ball rolling, no pun intended. His face was familiar but i was so eager & anxious I didn’t register it at the time. We talk, we being the woman, the advocate, & I (lol) and it was a little emotionally charged. That’s to be expected with such a ‘sensitive’ topic as what I was reporting but where I fucked up at was discussing the past/the case against my mom and I should’ve let that energy rest where it already (disturbingly) lies and not bring that in with me metaphorically to the meeting that was currently taking place.
But what really got to me, were the comments from the male prosecutor from my mom’s case, blue eyes, and I think he means/meant well, I genuinely do. But they rubbed me the wrong way and i’ve been lowkey spiraling since that day.